I'm Thankful For...

It's daunting being a doctor. Sure there is the respect, and yes there is a steady income, but no one tells you about the threat of constant upheaval. No one warns you that with new phase of your training, you run the risk of moving to a completely different part of the world. And with that risk, your social life becomes a pinball machine of scattered friends and family. The odds are against you - chances are you will grow apart from your closest friends, and your relationship will come to a crossroads: to stay together or move both your lives across country together. 

So here's to hoping that your boyfriend/husband is either a very successful business man who can request to transfer wherever he wants, or alternatively, unemployed.

I know a registrar who's consigned his life to being a wild single man who lives for weekends of debauchery. That is until he gets a consultant number and he can finally live out his dream of settling down. He's 28 and still waiting for that number. For a man that's fine. For a woman… In lectures they teach us that a woman is at her most fertile, her prime reproductive state, at 19 years old. I turn 24 in a couple weeks and my eggs are rapidly dying off as I type this.

But it's no biggie! I'm thankful for the change. The idea of a brand new unexplored city is very exciting and I'm impatient to start my training (slash receive a salary). More importantly, I'm thankful for the individuals I've come to love and adore. Although the thought of losing touch over the course of our foundation years and speciality training devastates me, I've at least got some pretty spectacular memories. For example, I'll look back to this weekend and think of our epic Thanksgiving dinner. I'll picture that table groaning under the weight of nine side dishes, four puddings and an 8kg titan called Thomas the Turkey, and then imagine all 16 of us on the floor, eyes glazed over and cradling our little food babies (Thomas Jrs). Plus a side shot of the 14 bottles of wine in the corner. 

So here's to our future as FY doctors! In the next 10 days, when our FPAS applications come through, may we are all be placed exactly where we want to be placed, and if it's not, that it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Even if we're stuck in Buckfuck, UK. Happy Thanksgiving!

Cardiac Arrest

Just saw my first cardiac arrest and death. While they were pushing the adrenaline, one of the doctors goes "pH of 6.98" and then made a hand gesture slicing across his neck. 

The death of a man doesn't really bother me. I understand that at 87 years old, he was at the end of his life and this was meant to be a procedure that would give him another 5 or 10 years more. But what freaks me out is the way the cardiologist reacted - consultant refused to tell the emergency contact that her friend had just died, and was very keen to move on to the next procedure. 

"We're behind schedule, let's move over to the other cath lab. The nurses will clear up this mess." 

Is that what happens when you've seen death too many times? That you don't even respect it anymore? That's screwed up.

Finding The One

A senior registrar was standing next to me during an angiogram. At one point he mutters "beautiful" under his breath. I asked him what he was referring to and he replied "the moment the needle hits the femoral artery and the blood comes out of the other end in a pulsing gush". He repeated that it was a beautiful sight, and that as weird as it sounds, cardiology just turns him on. 

Later, a different registrar asked me if I had any idea what speciality I wanted to do. I replied honestly with O&G. She smiled at me and said "don't worry, we'll change that." The confidence she has in the allure of cardiology is incredible. 

This rotation I've realised that you can't force your love for medicine. This cardiology rotation has been one of my favourites, and I have enjoyed respiratory, paediatrics, even gastro and ortho on previous rotations. But nothing gets me going like obstetrics. C-sections make me want to jump out of bed at 6 in the morning, and stay on the labour ward until well past 5PM. And gynaecology makes my heart swell, especially when you reassure a patient that she can still have children. Honestly, the fact is I just don't feel the same about an angiogram or a funky coloured sputum sample. 

Finding the speciality you will commit the rest of your life to is just like what they say about Mr. Right - when you've found it, you'll just know it's The One. 

Highlight of My Week

On the ward round with the cardiology team, one of the patients looked particularly oedematous. She seemed fluid overloaded so I wrote up a blood form to check her electrolytes before the team could increase her diuretics.

I found the nurse to ask her to take the blood sample, and she said "Sure! I've got a medical student with me, he'll do it." She took my request, turned to the other student and passed him the form I had just written up...

HAH! I'm delegating my jobs to medical students, so I'm basically already a real doctor.

Sometimes it sucks to be a medical student because no one knows your name, no one cares that you exist. Today was not one of those days.